After nearly a year and a half together, Mystic and I had developed an awesomely comfortable ebb and flow. I loved us for that. But sometimes even when something seems so good, it fails anyway and we are powerless to stop it.
Mystic and I broke up a little over a month ago. I chose not to write about it originally because I hoped it would be a bump, and not the end. That we could fix what was broken and one day look back on it. So in the beginning of September, I said that I was going through some personal things. And I was purposely vague. Mostly because some of it I couldn’t talk about here (and in truth, not all of September’s rottenness had to do with our break-up), and some of it I wasn’t ready to. And all the sudden, my phone lit up with text messages asking if I was ok.
I am a very lucky girl. No doubt about it.
I also waited because I couldn’t talk about it without crying.
Break-ups suck, no matter the circumstances.
I don’t have easy explanations. Because there aren’t any. He is a good, good man, and he was good to me and my kids. And there is a huge void there now. Huge. I see him in everything I touch, and that makes it so much harder to go through this. I have to pass his house every day, twice a day, because it’s on the same street as Madeline’s school. And the kids, oh those kids miss him something fierce.
But that doesn’t change the facts.
I’m sad. And a bit broken. Mystic became such a big part of our lives. Although it took me awhile, it was a big deal that I let him in the way I did. Sure, I’ve dated since getting divorced. But Mystic reached me in a way other men didn’t. He made me feel safe and like I had a partner.
Of course there were always challenges. Tugs. We have five kids between us. Ages 4 through 19. In five different schools. They all have different needs. At different times. And are in many different stages. He works two jobs. I work full-time, plus freelancing, and creative dabbles. Two ex-spouses. It’s just not easy.
I don’t have a happy spin on this. I know I will look back on this many months from now, and it won’t hurt quite as much. That it’s just another chapter in life’s great big book. Until then, I’m just not there yet. I think about him and what we had all the time and wish that this weren’t so. Who knows what the future holds. In the meantime, I will be doing what I do best. Focusing on me and the kids and putting one foot in front of the other.
*I got the above fortune a few weeks back, which I thought was pretty timely. And uplifting. And now, at home, on our fortune wall. And, of course, the first post I found when I was searching for a picture of our fortune wall was this one. Sigh.
* You’ll still be seeing his name here and there on future posts because we still see his daughter, and I also have a plethora of reviews to get through from places that Mystic and I visited when we were still together.