The first time I made this recipe was almost five years ago.
In a post I titled “Sweets for My Sweetie.”
(It was clearly before I learned about SEO-friendly post titling methods…)
It was for The Ex’s birthday.
And this time?
Last night, when The Ex joined us for dinner.
Some things change, and some things stay the same.
Of course I no longer refer to him as my sweetie. Natch.
‘Cause that would be weird.
But we certainly get along well enough to break bread.
And I think it’s important for the kids to see that.
Which was only reinforced by the fact that they were having a friendly debate about who got to sit next to him.
It hasn’t always been an easy road, and there are still times when he frustrates me. But when it comes to waving the white flag and peaceful dinner conversations, we’ve got that.
I’m a firm believer that it’s not the situation, it’s how you handle it that makes all the difference, and divorce is no exception. I did (and still do) everything I can to keep the kids out of any challenging or not-so-peaceful conversations, and to keep things as civil as possible. In the three years since we split up, I only raised my voice once while they were within earshot (but not right near us), and it was in the very beginning. And interestingly enough, it was the only time I ever raised my voice since I’ve known him, some 16 years.
There is sometimes tongue biting. Or swallowing of words. Or just plain choosing my battles. But isn’t it that way with everything? Or it is how it is with me. And everything. Whether it’s raising kids or dealing with ex-spouses, I’ve always been big on choosing your battles. And the older (and wiser, I hope), I get, the less I want to engage.
I either try to rise above it. Drift away from a toxic person or conversation. Or just don’t engage.
I just don’t have time for the pettiness. No one does. Not while there are children to raise.
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