‘National Anti-Bullying Month’ Articles at Sweetnicks

Bullying is a hot button of a topic these days. It’s so much more than what it was years ago when we were in school. And it’s become much worse because of the many different avenues that children can bully or be bullied. While the advancement of technology is generally hailed as a good thing, it also bring about more ways to spread negativity.

Years ago, kids would settle their disagreements outside on the playground after school. Or torment each other in the school hallways. Shove kids into lockers. Steal their lunch.

But after school, aside from random prank calls, it was done. A brief respite until the next school day.

One hopes.

But these days, with Instagram and Facebook and Vine and ask.fm and all the other ways kids can connect with other kids … well, there is no escaping it.

And it’s unfortunate that it’s a problem that has become so out of hand that there is an entire month dedicated to bullying awareness (October).

And all moms want to do is protect our kids. And keep them little.

So we have many conversations about it. How to treat people. How to respond if someone isn’t treating you or your friends properly. How and when things need to be escalated.

I am a huge proponent on giving kids the space they need to try and work problems out amongst themselves. They need to tools and opportunity to do this so they can function in the world on their own … for those times when I can’t swoop in and save the day. Sometimes kids are able to work it out amongst themselves and move on. Sometimes parents have to intervene.

But it’s always a topic we talk about. Open door policy and all. I want it to be clear that I am here for my kids, and their friends, however needed. It’s a sobering topic, and something that, as a parent, you have to carefully balance on that line between being fully involved in your child’s life and yet not being a helicopter parent. The line between letting them work things out on their own, and knowing when to step in.

A delicate balancing act and certainly a topic that we need to be all over. It’s one of those topics that you wish you didn’t have to talk about, but you have to.

The Dugi Group Publishers sent me two new children’s books to check out on this very topic, Don’t Judge a Lizard By Its Scales and Wizard Lizard Rides the Subway, and Madeline and I read them together last night.

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I can’t explain how much I hate the fact that we now have an Anti-Bullying Month. I mean, really. We need to have a month dedicated to making people aware of how to properly treat others? This is what it’s come to?

But so it has. And, honestly, if it helps, then that’s awesome. But it’s a shame that treating people kindly, with acceptance and tolerance, is not always the standard.

It’s just not right.

As as a mom to a kid who has been bullied in the past, it breaks my heart.

There is little worse than seeing your child hurting, because of someone else intentionally going after them. To see someone hurt. Someone who has such.a.good.heart. Especially when Nick is very much a turn-the-other-cheek kind of child. Much like his father, he is very low-key, and little phases him. It takes a lot to really push his buttons. To upset him. He believes the best in people, as I’ve taught him, and unfortunately, he’s had real-life lessons in the past that that’s not always the case.

The wife of a friend of mine recently mentioned that their son was being bullied at school and she wanted to know how to best handle it. As someone who’s been there, I gave advice the best I could.

1. Try and have the kids work it out themselves first. One of the greatest tools we can teach our kids is to be independent and problem solve on their own. While they need us as kids, we are to raise them so they don’t need us later. My first go-to plan is to always tell Nick to try and work it out with the other child amongst themselves. Perhaps he’s had a bad day. Didn’t mean it. Wasn’t intentional. It was misconstrued. We go through all the possibilities and play devil’s advocate first.

2. Reach out to the teacher (coach or whoever else) and explain the problem. While I want my kids to be able to work things out on their own whenever possible, sometimes it just can’t be done, and a grown-up’s assistance is needed. I’ll talk to the teacher, make her aware of the problem (including specific instances that have occurred), and hope that will put an end to it.

3. Talk to the other parent. There are two possible outcomes with this. Both of which we have encountered. a) The parent is completely unaware of how their child is behaving and acts quickly and swiftly and the problem is taken care of. Or b) the child’s behavior definitely is a trickle-down effect from the parent, and you can see right away why the child thinks this bullying behavior is ok.

4. (And likely this should be done during the steps above, not necessarily as a last resort) … Try and mitigate the instances where the children will be together. Switch sports teams. Classes. Subtle and not-so-subtle moves to put a little distance between the children so there is less opportunity for bullying to take place.

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