Madeline and I have the best conversations early in the morning, on the ride to drop her off at school. And by “best,” I mean the type of conversations that are impossibly uncomfortable and have me searching for the nearest distraction exit.
The kids were definitely hit hard by Eli dying in August, and he is a topic that comes up often. And, unfortunately, death comes right along with it.
“Mommy, when I die, I can go see Eli in heaven, right?”
Yes, you can, but unfortunately it will be a very long time before that happens.
“If you die, Daddy will need to take care of me and Nick because we’re not tall enough to cook dinner.” Then she paused for a minute. “Or take baths by ourselves.” Yes, my daughter is all about the practical aspects of death. Forget, you know, the fact that she might love or miss me. It’s all about who is going to cook dinner. “And Daddy doesn’t know where my school is. Or what time I wake up. So you’ll have to tell him.”
Um, ok, but I wasn’t planning on dying any time soon, ok?
“Ok. When I die, I can go see Eli and tell him all about Maxwell, right?”
Yes, honey, you can.
And then there was this morning… Big props to Z100 radio for giving me topics to talk about with my daughter. I owe a debt of gratitude.
“Mommy, what is s-e-x?”
Um, well, it’s what people do when they love each other. They kiss, they hug, they do stuff that you can do when you’re a grown-up and married. (Thank goodness her brother wasn’t in the car, because I knew this explanation wouldn’t fly. But of course my answer prompted this reply from her…)
“Oh, so you and Mystic (no, she doesn’t call him that) do s-e-x.”
Well, honey, we’re not married.
“Yes, you are. You kiss him…”
Yes, I do, but that’s not quite the same thing.
She then looked out the window at the cemetery we were passing (perfect timing, I know), and got lost in her thoughts. Goodness knows what she was thinking, or now what stories she’s telling her “homies” at school now.
* * * * *
Last year, when Rihanna’s song S & M was popular, Nick caught some of the lyrics and asked me what s-e-x was.
“Well, it’s something that two people do when they really love and care for each other, and they’re married.”
Like kissing?
“Um, no, not really.”
Then what is it?
“It’s a way to show affection and love for someone.”
And…?
“And, Nick, I promise to answer whatever questions you have in as much detail as I can, but I’m not really comfortable talking about this at your age.”
…