So I got the call yesterday. From my attorney. With my court date.
I emailed a friend and she replied right away with, “OMG, are you ok?”
I am. Absolutely.
I knew the call was coming, and I knew the court date would be soon, but I’ve got to say, it did take my breath away for a brief moment. It instantly made it all the more real. In just a few weeks, I will be another kind of statistic. A single mom of two. Or divorced mom of two. Is there a PC way of saying it?
It’s the final chapter in this particular book. But as my friend pointed out, there is nothing different today than it will be after the court date. It’s just official. The official day is more about the tax and legal implications. The emotional aspects of it ended long ago.
It will be two weeks shy of our 12th anniversary. It definitely tugs on my heartstrings a bit, even after a year of separation, that our 12th anniversary doesn’t mean anything anymore. That that day now has a bit of a smudge on it. That it’s over. There were a good solid ten, ten and a half years, of a happy marriage to show for it though. And now, I guess, there is a new anniversary. The anniversary of the end. Or the beginning. It all depends on your perspective.
As plans for a girls weekend quickly got underway this morning, I told everyone that the weekend would not be a celebration of the divorce. Divorce parties honestly make me cringe. But rather, this is a celebration of a new beginning. And I’m all for that, and I think it’s an important distinction.
I know one friend who might think this is a depressing post, but it is anything but. I promise. Am I a bit let-down that my marriage is weeks away from being officially over? Of course I am. Especially given the fact that there are two of the most amazing kids involved in the thick of it. And that their history got instantly rewritten with our decision. But disappointment aside, while this past year has been a little overly filled with challenges, there has also been a ton of goodness too. No play-by-play necessary, but I am happy. The kids are happy. And after that, there is nothing more important. The rest are just details.
My friend Beth (also divorced, but remarried) said this morning “sometimes divorce is a blessing.” As negative a situation as it starts out, there have been some very definite positive things that have come about in the last year that I don’t think would have happened otherwise. As cliched as it might sound, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. It’s not always clear in the beginning, or heck, even in the middle or perhaps the end what the reasons may be, but things tend to end up the way they’re supposed to. So yes, there IS life after divorce. This is only the beginning of a brand new book, with fresh, clean pages just waiting to be turned.
The kids are very used to me and my camera capturing everything and anything by now, although I still get an occasional eye roll or deep sigh. Madeline went through a (thankfully) short-lived phase where she would give me one smile and if I didn’t get it, it was my own darn fault, because she wasn’t sitting still for another shot. Now, she’s flipped the coin. She will see something or do something and say “Mommy, picture!” And after I take it, she wants to see it. Folks, I have created a monster.