Over the weekend, I posted a picture of me with a guy. Madeline and Nick were in the picture too. Within an hour, I got three notes/e-mails, asking me who he was and if he was Mr. Right. It honestly cracked me up. They all mean well. But my party line, now nearly two years after The Ex walked out, is that I have no interest in getting married again. None whatsoever. I will agree with the sentiment on “never say never,” but it would take a lot and one heckuva special guy to get me to change my mind. Commitment ceremony? Sure. Living together? No problem. Marriage? Just not interested.
The lengths it took to get untangled from my marriage definitely make a future one less appealing. The back-and-forthing. The attorneys. The meanness and negativity. Just one giant expensive mess. And from an emotional standpoint, there is scarring for sure. Trust issues I may never get past. A cynical attitude that I purposely work to shake. Quite frankly, I just don’t see any compelling need for paperwork to make future relationships “official.” I am fully aware I may just eat my words, but I consider that a good problem.
Is this just me? Did you feel the same way when you got divorced (assuming you are, of course)? My sentiments are usually met with a “oh, you’ll change your mind eventually.” And I just might. Who knows? Considering I was blindsided by my divorce, I certainly have no idea what the future holds, be it tomorrow or a year or two from now. But I’m still gun shy. Very, very much so. Not so much that I’m not out there, but just at arm’s length. Maybe elbow length.
“Men need to come with a Secret Decorder Ring.”
So went a text message I sent a friend this afternoon. They seriously do sometimes. Just as women probably need an owner’s manual. Fair’s fair, after all. One thing I’ve learned is that men aren’t nearly as complicated as we sometimes make them out to be. (And this is not related to my Ex; we’re talking generally here). I can have a casual conversation with someone, and still be dissecting it days later. “Did they mean this…?” “I wonder what they meant by that…” It can be a simple conversation, but something that will plague me in all sorts of different scenarios for days on end. As for a guy? The conversation is long since forgotten.
The same goes for arguments and being mad, at least in my experience. Nick is a great example. He can be mad as all get-out at me as he goes off to bed, but has forgotten the entire episode by the time he wakes up. All is forgiven and I am back to being the best Mom in the world. They don’t hold grudges like we do. They don’t rehash things. They say their peace and move on.
It’s a lesson I have taken to heart, particularly this year. I try not to let things fester. If something is bothering me, I say what I need to say and move forward. If someone says something out of line, I will call them on it, instead of letting it eat at me. It feels so much better that way. Without something nagging at me. Weighing me down. It’s freeing.
That author, John Gray, who wrote “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” years ago was definitely on to something. Sometimes the differences are staggering, but it certainly keeps it interesting.
And PS – that guy that was in the picture? Just a friend.
December 1, 2010, Photo #238, 239, 240, 241, 242
It’s always seems to be a surprise what treasures lurk in my purse. That? Madeline’s socks. She has this habit of always taking off her socks and shoes, no matter where we are or what we’re doing. It drives me crazy. That pair in particular was from a trip to the grocery store this weekend. She refused to put them back on. Ended up putting her boots on without them. I am convinced that she is like this to test my germophobe tendencies… let’s give the Mom who always has hand sanitizer within arm’s reach a kid that walks around barefoot in public places and licks shopping carts. That’ll teach her.
I get a lot of questions about what I eat. A big weight loss will do that. Today’s lunch was a toasted whole wheat bagel with sliced tomatoes, smooshed avocado, drizzle of hot sauce and tuna fish made with low-fat mayo. Delish.
Years ago, when my sister was in college, my Mom started this advent thing. She gave my sister a stack of envelopes with small gifts inside, and she was to open up one every day in the month of December, right up until Christmas Eve. When Nick came along, he got added to the tradition. Now with four grandchildren, it’s gotten a bit bigger. Every day, we pull out a bag and it has one of our initials on it, so we’re alternating days. An awesome tradition that we love.