Apparently the quickest way to insure that you won’t get a Friday post out of me is for me to tell you that it’s coming. Clearly I jinxed myself. The weekend has been a blur, and I’m moments away from getting on a plane and heading out of town, so this will be quick. If I don’t get a chance to pop in here before I get back, I will catch up mid-week. SWEAR.
Couldn’t get approval on my favorite picture, so just picture me, my sister and my mom, and she’s in hysterics, but apparently it wasn’t clear enough, so you’ll just have to play along.
My mom has totally been in my corner since day one. Whether it be not telling my Dad that I got a 5 (yes, a 5 out of a 100) on a math test, or softening the blow when we actually DID tell my Dad something bad, I know even if we don’t always see eye to eye, that she is in my corner in every sense. I tend to show my appreciation in small ways, and not always big heartfelt declarations. Depends. Consider this a little bit of catch-up: THANK YOU, MOM. I LOVE YOU. xoxo There, much better.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, whether you’re a mom to kids, chickens, plants or something in between, it’s sometimes a thankless job but one that certainly reaps countless unexpected rewards. For all the frustrations and challenges and grey hair, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from Tina Fey’s new book, Bossypants. It’s a book that I’m bringing on the plane with me, along with three others, my iPod and a mountain of work. Six hours of time to keep myself occupied. Lord help me.
“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.