There are people that post sometimes on facebook with a “woe is me” status update. You know the ones. The ones that post something really vague to prompt you to ask “what’s wrong? is everything ok?” I saw an article awhile back that had a nickname for people who did that, but the nickname escapes me. I hate when people do that. I think I might have been one of those people today. But that wasn’t my intention. I simply said that I could “really, really use a break.” And I mean it, I really can. I try earnestly to not complain. I know whatever challenges come my way are nothing compared to what others have to get through. But I just think that for a day (or four!), I could get a break. It could be someone else’s turn. I am quite familiar with the saying that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I’m ok with him not trusting me so much, you know?
So Madeline and I took Eli to the vet today. It is not good. When the vet himself gets visibly upset, you know it’s not good. And I love him for that. It appears that Eli has bone cancer. And it’s materializing really quickly. Like eight weeks ago, there was nothing on his leg, and now there is a lump the size of an adult fist. There are many courses of action that we could take, but we I am choosing the “let’s make him comfortable for whatever time he has left” path. A path that pains me so. We got Eli when Nick was just a baby crawling around on the floor. Nine years ago. He has been through raising these kids, two moves, a divorce, three other dogs and two other cats. And countless other curve balls. He has been nothing but good to us, and as I explained to Nick tonight, it’s our turn to do whatever he needs us to do to continue to be good to him. To love on him. Unfortunately I think we’re talking about less than a month. The good news is that aside from a visible limp, he appears, on the outside, fine and not in noticeable pain. I am trying to be strong for Nick. He doesn’t know I’ve already cried a few times about this. There will be more tears, no doubt. And I have no idea how I can summon up the strength for Eli’s last day, whenever it comes. For me. Let alone for Nick. The Ex always handled that part. Many friends have offered to help me then, and I will absolutely take them up on it.
My family and friends have been amazing the past month. Hell, they always are. But I have definitely needed everyone more lately than ever before. Through a power surge that killed every bit of technology in the house. A sprained ankle. A missing cat. Two bouts of strep for Nick. And now Eli and his bone cancer. All in the last six weeks. I honestly wasn’t going to type anything here tonight. I was just going to post this lot of happy pictures. All pictures from tonight actually (except the last one, which was from yesterday). We all need happy pictures right now. So forgive the ramble. On that note, let’s bring on the happy.
Participating in Embrace the Camera, the brainchild of Miss Emily and The Anderson Crew, but currently being hosted by Amy at Buggie and Jellybean. Go grab your camera, snap a pic with your fam and join in the fun. Nick took this picture for me at the park last night. Fittingly with Eli. Loving yellow lately. That sweater is actually new (as of this weekend) and the first article of yellow clothing I own. More to come. I just spied an e-mail from Old Navy touting their 3/4-length sleeve cardigans and there was a bright orange one. More happy colors. Love.
Cate, I’m so sorry about Eli. Love, love, love on him.
And, I agree with the FB doom and gloom. I’m all for posting the truth, but don’t fish for comments. Throw it out there. (Did you see my status update last night about my wrotten kids?!) :)
Sarah Caron says
I am so sad about Eli. Every time I’ve seen him, he’s such a big, sweet, lovable guy who is happy to get a scratch. Love on him as much as you can, and I pray that he stays comfortable for some time to come. Every day is a gift.
Let me know if there is anything I can do.
Oh, so sorry to hear about Eli. That breaks my heart. I adore dogs and know that like myself, you all treat your dog as a very important family member rather than just a dog. You’ve had a big six weeks. Please know that I’m thinking of you all and keeping your family in my prayers.
So very sorry to hear about Eli. We lost our beautiful Max, after 13 years of love, to a similar type of cancer 12 months ago (yesterday, in fact). It was hearbreaking to watch and we kept him happy and out of pain for as long as we could but sadly it was really a very short timeframe. Like your vet, ours was wonderful – he and the nurse cried along with us as Max went to sleep for the final time. It took almost a year to be ready to fill that empty space in our lives and now we’re up to necks in puppy-ness and loving every minute of it but my fave Max picture is still my screensaver.
Oh Cate, I’m so sorry. I have the biggest lump in my throat and knot in my stomach for you. If you need ANYTHING let me know! I’m really only a car ride away!
Hi Kate – I have been reading your blog for years now and though i have never commented, I am your big fan…i have told my husband about Maddie and Nick and the recent gum-wall you posted. :)
I’m sorry to hear about Eli and I hope that there are no tears…
Hi, Kate. For several years I have read and enjoyed your blog, but never commented. I have so enjoyed reading about all the wonderful things you do with your kids. Today, I felt the need to comment. My husband and I had a bassett hound named Bennie back in the ’90s. We adored Bennie even though he was stubborn , cantankerous, and messy. The week I found out I was pregnant, and it was a pregnancy we were told would probably not happen without the help of fertility treatments, we found out Bennie had bone cancer in his hip. Unfortunately it was in it’s late stages and we had to do the humane thing and put him out of his misery. Talk about a week of extreme highs and lows. We were so attached to that dog that we didn’t even consider another pet until our son, Drew, was 4 years old. So I wanted to tell you I’m so sorry about your sad news. Dogs love us unconditionally and don’t ask for anything in return. Eli is a beautiful dog. I hope he stays well and pain-free for as long as possible.
I’m sorry to hear about Eli. He, and y’all, are in my thoughts.
oh you poor things on this journey with Eli. Dogs give us such unconditional love and they ask for so little that when the inevitable comes it breaks our hearts.
I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you all.
What a difficult time for you. I haven’t stopped by in quite a while, and to learn of your stresses makes me want to give you a hug. None of us have charmed lives; I’ll just leave it at that. From my own experiences in these matters, I’ve learned to live in the absolute present, even if it’s hour by hour. That is all we really have. Please give your Eli a scritch from me.
Joanie B says
Cate, I’ve “known” you for years, from the CLBB originally, and check your blog daily for recipes, pics of the kidlinks, etc. My heart breaks for you and Nick with this news. Sending hugs to you and the wee ones especially now, and handsome Eli, from NC. You deserve to wash those brownies down WITH a swallow of bourbon, sweety! Love the pic of Madeline at manual labor, hee, thanks for the chuckle! Cause it’s what you do, my dear….
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about Eli! I’ve been through that twice with my beloved kitty Fridolin. Animal are so courageous. Give him a big kiss from me… All the best and courage.
Sending you hugs, hugs and more hugs — plus lots of good vibes for Eli.