On Parenting and Wanting to Hit the Pause Buttom

There are a million times that I find myself wanting to hit the pause button.

And, for some reason, never more so than the past week or two.

Particularly with Madeline.

Oh this girl.

Because all she has been doing lately is showing me how much she is growing up.

And it tugs on my heart something fierce.

And I am mostly not ready.

Not one speck.

I just want to freeze time and keep them little forever.

Now, instead of walking her into school, she asked me if I would drop her off out front so she could walk in by herself.

The first time she asked last week, I ended up moments later at my office desk in tears.

Because while as a parent, one of our jobs is to grow these little people up to be fiercely independent.

I am not ready.

Not now.

So not now.

Now she has special friendships with boys. Gives them bracelets to wear. And plots with her girlfriends to find out who likes who. To help them. Because her girlfriends are too shy to find out if the boy that she likes, likes her. She talks about who has crushes on who. But is very quick to tell me that these boys (and one in particular) are just friends of hers.

And man, I feel like I’m talking about a twelve year old.

But no. Just a little older-than-her-five-years little girl.

The kids growing up and moving out has been on my mind a lot lately. And while both of them fiercely attest to wanting to live with me forever.

They won’t. Not if I’ve done my job right.

So in the meantime, I am going to do what I do best.

Focus on this precise moment. One day at a time.

One hour.

One minute.

Just this one.

And enjoy them for every second while they’re little and still need me.

Because, for now, this is the very best time of all.