In Which I Go Back to School

I have only a handful of regrets in my life, but the one that seems to haunt me the most is not going to college. I started, registering for two classes at a local college after I graduated high school, and then, a few years later, I completed a Business Management program at the same school. But then, it just wasn’t the right time for me. And while it has remained a regret ever since, I still believe that if my heart wasn’t in it, it would have been a waste of money and time to go back then. At the time, I felt like I was making the right decision.

While you can absolutely, positively can succeed without a college degree, and I have done well, there’s no denying that having the degree just gives you more options. Period.

Now all these years later, the lack of a degree is something I have thought about constantly. A friend described it as “something unrest within my soul,” and she couldn’t have been more spot on. The question I kept coming back to was “how would getting my degree now change my end game?”  Because if I was going to get a degree and just keep the current job I have, what’s the point? What would it change? What would make it worth it to go back now? I knew I wanted to get the degree, but the question was what kind of degree? And what would I do with it after I got it?

Slowly over the past six months or so, I have really tried to hone in on how it could alter the future for me. What I could potentially do with the degree. How the end game would change.

And then finally I had the answers. Surprisingly, my biggest moment of clarity came after a conversation with Nick. And once I got to that place, the rest all of the sudden seemed easy. Or the easiest it’s going to be over the next few years.

I contacted my high school to get my transcripts. And contacted the college where I completed the Business Management program, which thankfully earned me additional college credits.

And applied to go back to school back in the Spring.

I started last month, and honestly, I couldn’t be more proud of myself.

Madeline came with me on my first meeting with the Admissions Counselor back in May. I had explained to the kids that I just couldn’t focus on school when I had graduated high school, and it wasn’t the right time, and how much I regretted not having my degree. I stress the importance of school and grades all.the.time. with the kids, and this is definitely one huge reason why.

While I was meeting with the Admissions Counselor, the receptionist had kindly given Madeline some drawing paper to keep herself busy during the appointment. At that time, I didn’t have a final decision about going back to school because I needed to see just how feasible it would be. Time-wise. Financially. Scheduling. I needed to find out if I could really, conceivably make this work.

The man that I met with, Luis, was so kind. He said I just did things backwards. I got married and had kids first, and now it’s time for school. I left feeling confident that, yes, I could do this.

As we were walking to the parking lot after the meeting, I asked Madeline what she had drawn while I was talking with Luis, and she showed me.

“What is it a picture of?” I asked.

This is the college, and this is you, starting.

I couldn’t love it more.

And that tiny little thing was not really tiny after all. To me, it was a huge affirmation, unbeknowst to her, that I was exactly where I should be.

I really try hard to live by example for the kids. And this is a huge lesson in having regrets and fixing them. Some regrets can’t be fixed. This is a big one, and thankfully, one that I can rectify. It’s a huge lesson for them in making mistakes and righting wrongs. And most definitely that it’s never too late.

And so it begins.